Duck Tape and A Closet
by ViraLayton
Summary: READ IT. (USUK with France trapped in a closet. And its duck taped shut. WROTE WITH AwesomeSpellsPrussia! Kinda crack. More of a wtf . .) I WROTE A SMUT! ASP


One day… in the Kitchen…

"IGGY! Wha are you doing!"

"I'm making breakfast, America. Would you like some?

"Are you trying to poison me again?"

"Huh? What on earth are you talking about?"

"Get out of the kitchen NOW! I wont have you burning my house down!"

England huffed, crossing his arms and walking out of the kitchen, "Fine, but my food is still better than any crap you ever make."

"Don't you insult me! My burgers are much better than those crappy things you call scones!"

"You take that back! Those scones are made from a recipe handed through many generations! And if you are intending to make your stupid, greasy burgers for breakfast, I'm not eating."

"I wasn't gonna make burgers for breakfast you jerk! I got this recipe for pancakes from Mattie and I discovered that I can put them in the waffle iron! They are delicious!"

"Who on earth is… ah hell and damnation never mind. And why the bloody hell would you put pancake mix in a waffle iron?! Are you daft?"

"It just makes pancakes look all cool and square and stuff man!"

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes and walked past America, into the living room. "I'm not hungry anymore anyway."

"Aww, don't be like that man!" America said, wrapping his arms around England's middle from behind, "Tell you what, give me the recipe and I will make your scone thingies!"

England gave an annoyed huff. "I suppose so… in the top cabinet above the stove, behind the Cheshire cat cookie jar."

"YAY!" America yelled, going to stand on a chair. He moved the jar to the side. "I don't get why you bought that thing man, its creepy."

"Keep you away from it, you git." England said with a roll of his eyes.

"Ain' nothing stopping me from getten my cookies!"

"Not even a giant, poisonous spider?" He questioned.

"WHERE!" America yelled falling off the chair and dropping the recipe card.

England rushed over to the nation. "Bloody hell, there's no spider you idiot, I was just saying. Are you alright?"

"No you jerk, you made me fall. I am no longer making you scones!" America said with a pout.

England helped him up. "Oh, gah! You're no fun."

"I'm no fun!?" America said outraged, "YOU! You are no fun! And besides, that trick you pulled wasn't fun at all."

"It wasn't a trick because there was no spider, you git! And if I'm no fun, then how come that's not what you said to me last night, in bed?" He asked with a humorous tone.

"That was different and you know it! And it was so a trick! The fact that there was no spider, made it a trick!"

"Prove it, Alfred." He said, crossing his arms again. "Prove to me that it was a trick"

Alfred proceeded to open the cookie jar and held the open end VERY close to Arthur's face, "See? No spider!"

"You lie to yourself." England stuck his hand in the jar and pulled it back out, a tiny, tiny spider on his finger. He smiled, looked back to America.

"YOU STILL LIED! You said it was giant and poisonous you jerk! Now you have to make it up to me~" America sing-songed, as a large smile making its way across his face.

England squished the spider between his fingers. "Hmm, Now how shall I go about doing that…" He said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

America stood up slowly from the chair, and wrapped his arms around the Brits middle once again. He leaned down close and whispered in his ear, "where is the duck tape?"

"What on earth do you need duct tape for?!" England muttered, confused.

"Well you said that you wanted to make it up to me…"

"And?"

"Well you know Francis is coming over later…"

"What does that bloody frog have to do with this?"

"Well I was thinking that, maybe, we could, possibly, you know…"

"WHAT!"

"You promise not to blow your shit?"

"I suppose…"

"Tie him up and hide him in a closet while we do dirty stuff"

And for that fact, England was speechless. He looked at America with wide eyes and his mouth handing open. "Dah… umm… huh."

"YUP! It will be like torture to him! Knowing your just outside the door naked and he can't do nothing about it!"

"Well th-that's quite the interesting idea, America…" England sputtered.

"You up for it? You asked what you would have to do to make it up to me, and short of making a porn this is your best shot."

_Well… that bloody frog had it coming to him eventually. Hmm… Porn or this… _England shrugged.

"WOOHOO! This is gonna be awesome! I will put a video camera in the closet and you get the duct tape ready!"

England laughed "What kind of duct tape?" He asked with a funny smile.

"The sticky kind."

"Well no shit!" He mentally facepalmed, "I meant- oh never mind, dammit."

"We are gonna need lots, to make sure he doesn't escape, that would be awkward."

"Indeed it would." England stalked off, going to America's closet, finding the box filled with at least fifty different colours of duct tape. "Why in the seven hells do you need so much duct tape?!"

"it's the new thing in my country. Everybody needs many multicoloured duct tapes!"

England rolled his eyes, grabbing ten rolls and sliding them on his arms. He replaced the box, heading back to America. "Great. Will this work?" he asked, holding out his arms to show the duct tape _(A/N: VL: Even Zebra print glow-in-the-dark duct tape~!)_

"Of course! We just have to grab him really fast, and I will hold him while you duct tape him! He should be here soon, text him and make sure!"

England nodded, pulling out his cell phone

-To: Francey Pants

R u on ur way here?

He sent the message. His phone went off moments later.

-From: Francey Pants

Oui Angelterre~ will b there shortly~

England rolled his eyes. "He's on his way, America."

_*ViraLayton and AwesomeSpellsPrussia present: A PRUSSIAN TIME SKIP BITCHES~!*_

"Vy did ve have to come wiz you France!"

"Si, I agree amigo, Yo no Se."

"Because we were all going to ze bar after, no? and I zought zis would be easier than coming, then going back, then going again."

"Fine, but I'm not going to be nice!"

"Vouldn't expect anyzing less."

France approached the door, Prussia and Spain behind him. He knocked, the door opening and revealing an England with rolls of duct tape up his arms. "Bonjour, Angelterre~ Umm… What's with ze duct tape?"

"Oh, this? It's for um…" He ducked behind the door for a moment, then back to France. "Why don't you all come in?" He said, gritting his teeth and looking the three over.

"Veirdo" Prussia whispered to the Spaniard next to him.

"Mmm-Hmm" Spain agreed.

England opened the door wider, allowing the other three nations in. As soon as the door shut, France was met with a baseball bat to the head. Prussia and Spain jumped at the sudden action, and France fell with a thud to the floor. "You weren't joking, there really is three, man!"

"Of course I wasn't joking you git!"

Shortly after that sentence was said, Spain was met with a baseball bat too. He fell to the floor right on top of France. Prussia stared at America in… Shock? Confusion? The authors don't know, we're too lazy to figure it out.

"Vell… I'll be going now." And he started to speed away in that cheesy cartoon style we all know. America chased him, throwing the bat. And despite the astronomical odds, it hit him right in the back of the head, which made him run into a wall and hit his face hard, he stumbled back, falling onto the nation pile of Spain and France, his ass in France's face.

"Well, That was easy. Iggy~ Get the duct tape!"

"What colour would you like?" He said holding his arms out.

"Neon Pink please~"

Iggy proceeded to duct tape the unconscious nations and helped America carry them to the closet in their shared master bedroom.

"Okay, they are officially locked up!" America said triumphantly.

"Now what?" England said giving America a seductive smile.

0~0~0~0

"Oh, mon deu. My head…"

"Gottverdammit…"

"Dios mio… Darme un beso Roma…"

"Da fuck? Spain, vake you ass up."

"Uhh? Damn it, Prussia. I was having the greatest dream ever…"

"We realize this, lapin."

"It vas disturbing." Prussia attempted to move, finding that, guess what? He couldn't. There was a sound of something being put across the door. Duct Tape~!

"_It looks like the UK flag… its beautiful"_

"_Yeah, yeah, shut up and let me fuck you."_

"_With pleasure"_

"Oh mien gott…"

"Ellos no hacer nosotros escuchamos…" (They're not going to make us listen…)

"Are zey?"

"_Of course! It was only supposed to be France, but you two kinda had no choice in the matter!" _There was the sound of a thud against the door.

"Dios mio…"

"NONONONO! NO FUCKING SHALL COMMENCE WHERE I CAN NOT SEE IT!"

"DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM AMIGO!"

"YA! ZERE ARE SOME PEOPLE IN ZIS CLOSET ZAT WOULD PREFER ZEIR MINDS TO STAY UNSCARRED!"

"_Oh god… Alfred… hng…Ahh…"_

"_your nations geography suit you well."_

"HAHAHAHA! Zat was hilarious!"

"Si, Muy comico!"

"Jou guys do realize zat zey are fucking outside of the closet door still right?"

"Dammit! I had just forgotten! MUCHAS GRACIAS FRENCHY!"

"_Oh god… Alfred… don't stop!"_

"YES! Please stop!"

"_Ahh.. Hng… Alfred… God…"_

"_ugh… oh god… Iggy… so tight…"_

"_Harder Alfred Please!"_

"NO MORE! PLEASE!"

Several minuets later… _"ALFRED… GOD!_

"_ARTHUR!"_

"OH THANK ZE GOTTS!"

"A-Are they done now?! Yo quiero ir a ver Romano!"

"_Hmm… I think we should leave you in there a few more hours~!"_

"WHAT?!"

"Nononononononononononono! NO! Vodsolchen!"

"_Yep, that's what we're gonna do!"_

"You are all assholes! YOU ALL SUCK!"

"_Why thank you very much. I try."_

"_HA~! I love you Iggy"_

"Oh come on! Let us out! Jou can't just leave a guy hanging like zat!"

"Oh god, FRANCE! That's just… eww."

"I agree vith ze Spanish guy."

"Oh, so I'm demoted to Spanish guy?! THANKS S A LOT PRUSSIAN!"

"Rawr."

_*ViraLayton and AwesomeSpellsPrussia present: A LOCATION CHANGE~!*_

_At a disclosed location *coughbarroomcough*_

Romano tapped his fingers impatiently on the bar. "Where the HELL are they?" He growled.

"Romano… they p-probably just ran into some traffic." Canada muttered. Romano growled and tried best to ignore the tightness in his jeans. "Are you alright?"

"No dammit. I'm telling you this now- if they aren't here in twenty minutes, I am taking you to the back room and fucking you."

Matthew paled even more than he already was. _please hurry up lease hurry up please hurry up!_

Twenty minutes passed uneventful, and true to his earlier statement, Lovino took Canada to the back and fucked him. Really hard*. And when they came out, Antonio, Prussia, and Francis were sitting at the bar. Romano ignored them. "I hate you all." He growled at them.

"B-But LOVI!"

"NO! No sex."

Antonio was silent, "Ok."

"WHA…?!"

Eventually after several hours and lots of booze, Spain ended up taking both Romano and Canada home**, and forgetting his traumatic experience. Gilbert somehow woke up next to Russia, NAKED, not that he minded, but was a bit confused.

And France. He went home. "Just jou wait, Angelterre, I'll get you BACK. Ohonhonhonhon~"

0-o-0

_~That was fun~_

-MMM-HMM.-

_~YAY CRACK!~_

0-o-0

**Awesome Out!**

**~ViraLayton**

_*-I SHIP IT!  
_

_**- I just don't ship it, I put it in neon glowing signs outside my house._


End file.
